SWAK!

When Emerson goes in for her agency visit this month, she's going to have quite a few goodies waiting for her from us!

We sent the first one in March but it got there after she had already gone in for her monthly visit. I was able to send this through a friend of Emerson's foster brother's waiting family.

I sent Emerson some comfy play clothes - mostly leggings since the pants I've seen her in are always rolled up in big wads towards the bottom.

I also sent her a toddler bib that looked gigantic! I was shocked when I opened it all the way. I felt like it was big enough for me to wear - it looked that huge!

But the most important thing in this package was a video we made for her. The last video we sent was back in October so she's probably gotten tired of it by now. In this new video we incorporated pictures of us mingled with those of her foster family. Hopefully this will help her connect us together somehow. We don't want her to feel like we're random people who've shown up out of the blue to take her away from her foster family. Because one of her updates mentioned that she liked to play with dolls we used dolls half the time to tell her that her parents miss her lots!!

Our video co-stars.

Then a few weeks after I sent in our package, my friend Kimberly got her TRAVEL CALL and said she would take a care package for me! (Kimberly's daughter Emersyn - with a "y" - is just a few days apart from EmersOn!). I jumped at the chance to send another package because we had found out right before that Emerson had hurt her finger. This time I sent a normal sized bib along with some ointment and bandaids (along with another pair of leggings).

A picture of us doing the "I love you" sign used for children in Korea.

So I was feeling a bit like a rebel sending these care packages outside of our agency. The policy was that we could only send a package during Christmas and birthdays, and during the two times a year an agency representative would travel to Korea. I actually didn't know this for sure until end of last year when they noted it in a newsletter. But last week they announced that due to the increase in wait time, we would now be allowed to send a package once a month. I hope we are traveling soon, but in the meantime I'm going to start on my package for next month! I already bought two more pair of leggings. :)

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I wanted to say A BIG HUGE thanks to Karen and Kimberly for letting me send a package through and with them this past month. There is something so very special about being able to send a package to our waiting daughter. With each item I touch and put in the gift bag, it brings her just a tad bit closer and helps relieve some of the heartache of being apart.

Also, thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who reached out after reading my last post. I feel extremely blessed to have the support, love, and prayers of so many wonderful people. Thank you!

Last Night...

ETA 4/11/12: I wrote this post last week and had it up for about a day before taking it down. I've decided to put it back up. I wanted to keep this blog as happy and joyful for Emerson, but it should be truthful. And the truth is I miss her. To the point of heartbreak.

___________________

Last Night...

... I dreamt that I met Emerson. She and her foster mom were in a small schoolhouse and I walked in and saw her sitting on the floor.

The details are fuzzy but I remember kissing her cheeks and distinctly remember how soft they felt against my lips. Her hair was so soft under my hands. I also vividly remember her sweet baby smell as I held her tightly.

This wait is so so so hard. I don't know if it's because of that dream and then waking up to the reality that we still have to wait so long to be with her, but I'm just in a dark, sad place today. I'm sitting at work and just can't stop crying. The tears just won't stop.

I miss you so much Emerson.

March Update

We got new pictures and an update!

I'm 20 months old!

Emerson went in for her monthly check up last week. She is wearing the sweater we sent to her back in September. It's just now fitting her! I don't know why our agency recommends sending clothes a size bigger. I guess it's because they can always layer. That was very sweet and thoughtful of her foster mom to dress her in the sweater we sent for this visit.

Some new things mentioned in the update we received were that she recognizes herself in photos, attempts to comfort others in distress, and that she defends her possessions, LOL.

That line about her comforting others melts my heart. Her being possessive cracks me up! I miss her so!

FB

FB could stand for Facebook.

FB could also stand for Foster Brother.

In today's case it stands for both!

Last night on FB we connected with the parents of Emerson's little FB!! How crazy wonderful is that? It was my dream that we would one day find this family. I had no idea that it would happen while we were both still waiting for our children to come home. I wish they lived in the same state but unfortunately they live out in the midwest. In our flurry of emails to each other, we already discussed how we would have to make sure to visit each other so Em and her little FB can always keep in touch with each other.

As if that wasn't great enough news, they also sent over a couple pictures they had of Emerson! These pictures were taken by foster family for FB's first birthday. I am cropping him out of the pictures out of respect for his privacy.

I totally zoomed in to the corner of this picture. The original picture was of Em's older foster sister holding little FB in his first birthday outfit. But in the itty bitty corner was Emerson's face peeking into the camera. I love this picture! Emerson, you are so good about making sure we get a picture of you!

Again I had to crop out FB's cute face but how sweet is this picture! They look very happy playing together. He's laying on the floor and she has her hand on his chest.

I am over the moon that we can keep in touch with the family of Em's FB and maintain this very special connection from Emerson's early part of her life in Korea!

Boy oh Boy!

Oh Emerson!! Is this adorable picture really you?

We got new pictures today for her 19th month check up! Gene and I were out to lunch when the email came and my phone took forever to download the pictures. When it finally finished and the picture opened, I was confused for a moment.

Looks like Emerson...

.... but this baby is so big and tall.

... And has short hair.

... And is wearing boys clothes.

Is this really our Emerson or a little boy who looks a lot like her?

But wait a minute!!

Is that NAIL POLISH on her toes?

The answer is Yes. Her little toe nails are painted!! That's just about the cutest thing. I just never expected to see her toe nails painted. I also realized that we rarely see her feet bare. She always has super thick socks on. But maybe foster mom pulled them off to show us her perfect pedicure? Oh my goodness, so cute and so funny.

There were two other pictures but they look practically identical to this one. The social worker in Korea even apologized that she couldn't get any pics of Em smiling. That was nice of her to try.

Oh Emerson,

This picture was literally a ray of sunshine on my day. I really was confused about whether this was you because you grew so much! (Or is it the camera angle...?). And on top of that, you got a hair cut! You know what, though? I hope you don't feel bad when you read this later. This mama has tons of baby pictures in which I looked like a boy, too. You are just taking right after me, aren't you my sweetness? :)

And my daughter, love your painted toe nails. Did you pick the color? Or was it your foster sister? I will add this question to my list for when we go to Korea. You have the cutest little toes, by the way.

The report also noted you grew two more teeth on top! Good girl!

Love you, my little sunshine!

Mommy

This year's handmade card for Em.

Last year's Valentine's Day was very special. We chose that special occasion to announce the wonderful news that the most precious baby girl we ever laid eyes was to be our daughter. We spent last Valentine's falling deeply, deeply in love with our Emerson. And that's how we've spent the last 12 months. Head over heels in love with our little girl all the way over in Korea.

Dear Emerson,

On this Valentine's Day, I wish you could feel just a teeny, tiny bit of the love mommy and daddy have for you. Even for a moment.

If I could have a minute with you today, I'd take it! I'd hold you tightly the whole time, while taking a good look at your beautiful face - memorizing every detail. I'd stroke your hair, cover you with kisses, and tell you over and over how much I love you. How much I've always loved you, and always will.

And then my time would be up and then I'd have to let you go. Which I couldn't do, of course. I knew that even a year ago.

So even though we aren't physically together today, for a minute I let myself go there - imagining what it'd be like to be with you today. And with tears welling up in my eyes, I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.

Loving you with all our hearts,

mommy & daddy

19 Months Old

This blog is all about Emerson's mini-birthdays! Until she is home with us where we can celebrate her annual bdays, I am going to continue to wish her the happiest mini monthly birthdays!

I try to keep this blog as happy and light as possible because in the end, it truly is a joyous journey. But lately, I just have to say, this wait is getting harder than I ever imagined it could. I thought it was hard before but now it's just out of control! Sometimes I start thinking Emerson's not real. Because to think that she is and that she's been waiting just a week shy of a year for us to come get her... Well, to think that, it simply breaks my heart.

I woke up this morning with faint images of a dream I had last night. I was in a crowded restaurant and looked down at my phone to see that we received new pictures of Emerson! There were three of them. With excitement I tried to look at them but they were all blurry, and I couldn't really make her out in any of them. I was trying to see if she had grown, or what her hair looked like. Or what she was wearing, and what was she doing. But the pictures were too blurry to see any of that. It was super frustrating.

I feel like that right now. I want so badly to see her and be with her. But I just can't make it happen! Aarghhhh.....

{Insert Moment of Composure}

Dear Emerson,

Mommy's sorry to have written such a downer post for your 19th month mini-birthday. I'm just having a moment here. I hope when you read this in the future, you'll get a glimpse of just how much we missed you while you were not with us.

I think I dreamt about receiving pictures of you because we should be getting some new ones of you soon. I can't wait for those. Once I get them, it'll give me a bit more strength to keep on carrying on until we can finally come for you. Pictures of your adorable, sweet face have a way of doing that - giving me strength and hope when nothing else can.

Happy 19 months, our lovely Emerson. We love you!

Mommy & Daddy

little shoes

this is emerson's shoe collection thus far.

just sitting here waiting for her little feet to come home and fill them.