A Burst of Ray

The last few weeks have been a blur as I sit here waiting for this last group of EP's to be approved so we can be submitted.  I am so out of it these days.  It takes energy to talk. To listen.  To think.  To keep my eyes open.  During the day, I'm exhausted and yawning all day long.   Then at night, I'm wide awake.  The desire and ability to sleep - completely gone.  I  lay there in the dark, thinking about the new day that awaits and whether there will  be good news in the morning.  And that tenseness in my stomach... Did it appear to divert my attention from the hole in my heart?

Then last week I started coming up for air again as we had made it to mid-month. That's when we've been getting our monthly updates and new pictures of Em.  I sat there for a few days refreshing my email every couple minutes.  Towards the end of the week I was a madwoman (not a mad woman like I'm angry, but like a crazed madwoman).  I emailed our agency asking about our update.

The reply was the agency in Korea was super busy with traveling families so they're a little behind in getting updates out.  They said let's wait another week or so, and if we don't hear anything by then, they'd follow up with Korea.

But then yesterday morning I get an email saying "We finally got your pictures!"

That's when glimmers of color started appearing.  Our little sun sending her burst of ray all the way from Korea.

My little beautiful girl, sitting there. She looks so small and yet big at the same time.  She has grown a lot.  Which makes me so happy, and yet sad.  My sister saw her picture and cried tears that were both happy and sad.

My sweet Emerson, what are you looking at?  Is there a family being united?  Is there laughter and joy coming from down the hall?  Hang in there, baby girl.  Seeing you sitting there has given this momma strength for this last leg of the wait. Soon it will be your turn to be the one looking down the hallway to finally see us standing there. Finally able to be with you and be there for you.

I love you. Thank you for being my sunshine.