Wishing Well

Today is Emerson's mini-birthday!  My little girl is already 27 months old! 

We spent part of the day at the Mission San Juan Capistrano.  I was able to get a lot of nice pictures of her there.  I never knew how difficult it was to get a good picture of an active toddler.  I would say if you could get one out of 10 in which she's not blinking, putting her hand somewhere on her face, turning her head, etc.... then that's pretty good!

Anyway, one of my favorite shots today was when came across a fountain at the Mission.  I showed Emerson last week how to throw pennies into the fountain at the mall, so today she asked me for a penny.  She doesn't know how to make wishes yet so I made them for her.  She threw in three pennies so my three wishes for her are:

That we are doing all we can and more to let her know she is unconditionally loved and safe right now, and to assure her that we are indeed her forever family.

That her precious little heart is healing from all that she's gone through, and that we can understand and tend to the heartache and pain that she doesn't express.

That our little girl will always, always know in her heart just how much she's loved!

Sleeping Milestone

Wow.  Tonight we have a first. 

I've been co-sleeping with Em ever since she came home.  During the first few days/weeks of her transition, she grieved the most at night.  She never outwardly cried during the day, but did so in her sleep.  (Just typing this breaks my heart).  During those times, if she were upset enough to wake up and if I weren't next to her, she'd get really upset. 

She was always very insistent that we sleep together.  So from day 1, I would lay down with her at bedtime and would usually fall asleep with her, then wake up for a few hours and become a night owl to catch up on stuff.  There were a few nights when I wasn't home to put her to sleep but then she'd ask daddy to sleep with her.

However, tonight she was tossing and turning a bit so I got up and said "Mommy has to go do something.  I will come up when I'm done and sleep with you, but I have to go downstairs."  For the first time, she did not protest or cry, and instead responded "Mommy is going to go downstairs, and Emerson will lay down and go to sleep?"  (but in Korean, of course). 

"Yes," I said.  "I'll be back."

Em: "Okay."

Me: "Good night."

Em: "Night!"

Me: "I love you!"

Em: "Love!"

Then I walked out and shut the door behind me.

I could not believe it.  This is the first night she fell asleep alone - willingly!  What a huge step forward!  I think that shows just how secure she feels with us now.  She knows I'll be back, and that I'll always be there in the morning. I'm overjoyed thinking about that.

However, if I'm to be completely honest - I'm teeny tiny sad thinking of how fast she's growing up.  Whereas before it was a HUGE adjustment trying to cosleep with her, now I'm loving it. I know that sounds super selfish but I'm just keeping it real.  We're finally hitting our stride as a family, and I love how at night when I'm settling in next to her, I get to see her sweet little sleeping face and just count all my blessings. I hope tonight doesn't mean the end of our cosleeping is coming soon!

But for tonight, I'll just focus on how amazing and extraordinary it is that she can securely go to sleep without having me physically there.  Three months ago, there was no way I could've ever imagined this day would come.  Just shows how I need to appreciate every single moment with our sunshine. Even the challenging ones since those end up passing and becoming a memory.  A memory in our family history.