The New Year

As of right now, it's 6:30 in the morning on the first day of 2012 in Korea.

Happy New Year, Emerson!!!!

It indeed will be a very happy, joyous, unbelievable year as 2012 will the year we bring Emerson home. It actually dawned on me earlier today that I made it. Made it through this year. It almost didn't seem possible at one point that I could wait another day, another week, another month until we had Emerson in our arms. Yet here we are - the very last day of 2011.

As this year winds down and I reflect back on the past 10 1/2 months, I am humbled and so thankful to God for bringing Emerson into our lives. And for surrounding us with loving friends and family to lean on. And for all my amazing adoptive mommy friends. And for Emerson's wonderful and loving foster family. I was not myself in many ways as this journey of waiting and waiting took its toll. I never cried so many tears of joy, then frustration, then joy & frustration as I did this year.

My precious Emerson,

Happy New Year my sweet and beautiful daughter.

For you it's already 2012. We did it! We made it through 2011 living on opposite sides of the world. To be honest, I'm not sure if I was living or just somehow getting by. This year was a blur of endless days of waiting for any news and/or pictures of you. I still don't know when in 2012 we'll be able to come for you, but I anticipate it will by April. That's still quite a wait, but at least I know we made it through 2011. And for some reason that revives and refreshes me and makes me feel a teeny bit excited again. I have been trying so hard not to be excited or hopeful for the past several months, but here I am again.

I am EXCITED for the new year and all that's in store for us as a family. You have been through so much, Emerson. You are strong and brave. Please save some of that strength for when we come for you. But once you are with us, we will be strong for you and will take care of you.

2012. It's going to be a huge year for our family! We're coming for you, Emerson!

Loving you with all my heart,

Thank you, Brooke!!

Beautiful custom necklace made by the very talented Brooke Lee.

I carry my little Emerson in my heart always, but now it'll be very obvious she's close to my heart... thanks to a very special necklace made by my friend's daughter, Brooke. It's a photo necklace of none other than my sweet little Emerson and it rests right above my heart. I should also mention Brooke is 13! So much talent and thoughtfulness at such a young age!

Thank you so, so much Brooke! I love my necklace! I love the color of the gray cord and the backing of the photo frame. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it, and that means the world to me. The necklace is quite simply perfect! I will treasure this very special necklace always!! <3

What are the Chances??

Do you see our sweet Emerson?

One of my fellow AP ("adoptive parent") friends went to Korea last month to bring home her adorable son. She was getting ready for her first face-to-face meeting with him, and decided to take some pictures of the agency. She's now back home and settling in. So excited and happy for her!! We got together last week so I could hear all about her amazing trip. She brought her pictures and we were looking at them when all of a sudden, I spot the most precious face in the background of one of them! My friend didn't even know she had taken a picture of Emerson! What are the chances??

I burst into tears seeing Emerson's little face peering down the hallway at the camera. How did she look right at mommy's friend right at that moment? Most of the pictures we've received are of Emerson by herself so it was hard to gauge her size. In the last picture we got of her standing wearing her new shoes, she looked so tall and big. But seeing her sitting in her foster mommy's lap, she still looks small and baby-like. So, so precious!

Thank you Emerson for giving us a chance to see your beautiful precious face. We thank God that you were there the same day as mommy's friend. We love that you looked right at the camera so we could see you. I can't wait to be in that same exact hallway one day soon, holding my breath for that amazing, magical moment when we'll get to see your sweet, sweet face in person for the first time.

Mommy and Daddy

Happy 15 Months!

Happy 15 Months, Emerson!!!

I've been following the weather reports in Seoul and lately it's been sunny one day, then raining and cold the next. I hope on your mini-birthday it was a beautiful and sunny day. I know it's going to start getting pretty downright chilly soon so mama's going to be sending you some warm sweaters and jackets in her next care packages!

Mommy and Daddy **loved** getting pictures of you last month wearing the shoes we sent.

Ever since we learned the shoes we sent back in May were too small for you, I've been a mission to find shoes for you. In the video, you kept reaching for the shoes and foster mom had asked if there were any way to exchange them for a bigger size. That made me so sad to think that you really liked them and even possibly really needed a pair. I was so worried the shoes we sent would be too big/small again, but they look like they fit just right. Whyayyy! ( < ---- combination of Whew + Yayy). If we were able to send bigger packages, I would have sent another pair. I actually had a hard time choosing which pair to send between the two below.

Toddler shoes are just toooo cute!

Happy 15 months, our beautiful Emerson!

I wish mommy could stop time and keep you from growing while we're apart, but that's just her selfish side talking. Truth of the matter is, I love all the updates we get on you and cherish each and every new thing you are doing. The last update said you're eating noodles, bread and cheese and that you love books. You are already starting to take after this mama!

I read up on a 15-month old toddler's development, and apparently one of your favorite words right now is going to be "no." I think that's absolutely adorable, and hopefully foster family will think so, too. ;)

As we head into fall and as the year's end is quickly drawing near, it's clear that we will not be traveling in 2011 to bring you home. It was never truly a possibility, but I held out hope for God's miracle. At some point in this journey I said we'd trust in His perfect timing, and more than ever I hold on to that for comfort.

On your 15th month celebration, I celebrate how much you've grown, your health, and the fact that we are able to send tokens of our love through care packages. I pray every day for that very special day when we will come face to face in person. For now, I feel blessed just seeing your beautiful face in my dreams.

Mommy and daddy love you with all our hearts. Happy 15th months!

427 Days

That's how many days are in 14 months. That's how many days old our little sunshine is today! Hasn't she grown so much?

I know it seems strange to be thinking in termsof days but that's how it's been ever since sweet Emerson came into our lives. I'm counting each day that passes that we're apart from each other. Marking off each day as a victory because it brings us one day closer to her.

Day. By. Day.

She came into our lives when she was just 6 1/2 months old and now she's already 14 months old. To kick off her mini-birthday, I've decided to start getting her room ready. I've waited long enough. I was actually ready to start months ago - collecting paint cards, fabric swatches, creating mock ups, etc.. But then it dawned on me that it'd be terribly difficult to have her room ready, and then just sit there.. empty. But it's time to get going on it and have it all pretty and nice, and welcoming and comfy for Emerson!

Happy 14 Months dearest Emerson ! I'm sure today's milestone day is going to be extra special because it's also Chuseok in Korea this weekend. What a festive weekend it's going to be! In the spirit of the Korean Thanksgiving holiday, we'll be celebrating all that we are thankful for as well. And you know that list is super duper duper long because of YOU! Happy Chuseok and Happy 14 months!

Know in your heart that mommy and daddy love you and miss you more than we can adequately express.

From Korea, with Love

Last week we received word that birthday pictures taken in Korea had arrived at our agency and they were going to forward the DVD to us via mail. SAY WHAT?? I had been pouting and having a pity party for myself because we were previously told that the agency in Korea had not taken any pictures when Em and foster mom came to pick up her birthday package.

After checking the mail incessantly for days, we finally got the dvd. We were hoping for two, and if lucky, possibly three pictures from that day. But instead we received about 20 of our birthday girl celebrating with smiles, hugs, cake, and even a mini tol celebration at her home! It was more than we imagined or hoped for on her birthday. During Em's birthday weekend when we were celebrating here, I looked at the clock constantly, wondering just what was going on halfway around the world. I wondered if we'd ever know. And now thanks to her amazing foster family, we do.

Emerson wearing the outfit we sent.

The top says "I'm the birthday girl."

They got her a hanbok!! I was so moved.

This is actually one of, if not my favorite picture. That smile!

And I love that foster mom is "hiding" in the back as she props up

Emerson for the birthday candle shot!

For her foster family to share personal pictures taken inside their home... For them to include photos of them holding her, playing with her, feeding her... To see how relaxed and happy she is with all of them... I am simply overwhelmed. Love was emanating from the pictures. We clearly saw it and felt it. They are not only her caregivers, but are her family. We vowed that even when Emerson comes home to us, we will keep them in her and our lives.

Our sweet and precious Emerson,

Thanks to your wonderful foster family, we were able to share a part of your first birthday. It looks like you had so much fun! You looked so beautiful and adorable in that lovely hanbok foster family got you. They were so nice to also dress you in the outfit we sent and even put a pretty matching hairbow on you to complete the look. While looking at the pictures on our computer, there were a couple times my breath stopped, and once I even reached out my hand to stroke your face on the screen. Daddy and I both cried happy tears as we spent hours the first night just looking at each picture over and over.

It goes without saying that we miss you to the point of heartache, and cannot wait to hold you in our arms. But now we have another reason to look forward to that day when we all come together. I can't wait to meet foster family. I want to thank them until my words run out and then I want to hear all about the stories they have of you. I know that when the time comes for us to bring you home, you will miss them so much and your little heart will ache for them. I promise to share all the wonderful stories they shared with me with you. I also promise that we will visit them again as a family one day.

We love you.

Mommy & Daddy

Praying, praying...

{Updated 7/28/11: I contacted our agency who said since most of the flooding is in the southern part of Seoul, they anticipate our agency in Korea and all the children in their care should be fine since they are in the northern part of the city. At this time, they say no news is good news. }

I am trying to stay calm right now. News about torrential rains in South Korea leading to widespread damage and death has got me so anxious and worried for Emerson and her foster family. What's making me more nervous is that early this morning I woke up from a bad dream and couldn't fall back asleep until I prayed for Emerson's safety and well-being. I hope my prayers are a shield of protection around her and her foster family.

It's so hard being apart from her and not being able to protect her. Please pray for the safety of our little girl and for all those affected in Korea.

Our little Winker ;)

Guess who got a video of their daughter this week???

It's a 12-minute video taken the same day Emerson had her pictures taken in her red outfit. That's the day she came in to meet our agency's Korea director last month. Emerson was sweet and doing her own thing and didn't seem to care for all the attention on her. Her foster mom and social worker were doing their best to get her to play up to the camera. FM wanted her to stand and say hello. Her social worker kept telling her to wink. Yes, wink! They were singing songs to her and trying to get her to sing along and do hand movements. She didn't do any of it, lol. But through it all, she never cried or got fussy. Good girl!

It has been amazing to see her mannerisms and movements. We were hoping to hear her voice and strained our ears to finally hear a tiny "ah daw daw." Yayy! Now the kicker is halfway into the video, we finally got a wink! Her social worker kept asking her to do it and Emerson looked down and did it! That is just about the cutest thing I had ever seen!!

It was also neat to hear the background chatter and to hear Gene and I referred to as her Ab-pah and Um-mah ("daddy" and "mommy"). I can't get enough of that! Our director showed Emerson the photo album we sent and said "Look! Here's your Ab-pah. And your Um-mah." Emerson looked through the album with her FM, too.

It was heartwarming to see the interaction between her and FM. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it right now. FM is amazing with her. If Emerson felt unsure about anything, she'd immediately look at FM for her reaction. There's a scene where FM lifts Emerson and lays her laying down onto her lap. They're both laughing. Such a sweet moment... and I hope they have a lot of those.

I've stayed up late the past two nights just watching the video over and over on a loop. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This video then is priceless.

I love you my little winker. ;)

Birthday cont'd...

Emerson, here are a few more pictures from your birthday last week. It was a joyous weekend filled with celebration!

Close-up of purty cupcakes.

Lots of fun books for us to read with you. And l@@k... PRINCESS toys!!

Thank you, Auntie Claudia!

Soft kitty and even softer blankie.

Thank you, Auntie Hedy!

Mommy and friends (your aunties!) celebrating your birthday at dinner.

Today's the BIG DAY

Happy First Birthday, our beautiful and precious Emerson!!

I tossed and turned all night in anticipation of today... counting down the hours and then the minutes to when it turned 12:01 AM in Korea. Although we can't physically be there to celebrate this very special day with you, we are right there with you in heart and spirit.

Not only are we are, but your grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins all joined us in celebrating with you today.

Happy first birthday, my love.

In Exactly One Week...

... our baby turns one!!!

First birthdays (called "Tol" in Korean) are usually celebrated with much fanfare in Korea. There's a ceremony in which the babies are dressed in traditional Korean dress and items are laid out in front of the baby to see which one she's drawn to. For instance, if she picks a pencil it means she'll grow up to be scholarly. Or if she chooses a microphone, she'll be an entertainer. It's all for fun, of course. The birthday card I made for her signifies this Korean tradition.

Our case manager said that the birthday package we sent her at the agency in Korea and will be picked up right around her birthday. I sent toys, a couple outfits, a muslin cotton blankie for the warm summer days, and books...

The Tol Ceremony is fun because it gives people a lighthearted glimpse of what the birthday girl may grow up to be. In many ways, every day since Emerson came into our lives has been like a Tol Ceremony as I wonder and dream about all the wonderful things my daughter is and will grow up to be. What personality traits and talents did God give her? What will she be passionate about? What will be her path?

I can't wait to discover all the answers with her.

11 Months Old...

Happy 11 months, our lovely Emerson!

You are always in our hearts and thoughts, but this past month I especially felt like you were almost physically right there alongside with me.

You were there with me during the late nights I stayed up making your special first birthday card or writing a heartfelt letter to foster mom. I would often look up and see your cute little face right in front of me.

You were there with me as I went out shopping for clothes to send to you as you outgrow your baby clothes.

You were there with me as I picked out your first walking shoes. I saw you so clearly taking those cute baby waddle steps.

You were there with me as I wandered through the toy store aisles for hours imagining what toys you would love playing with.

You were there with me as I shopped for books that I hope you'll enjoy looking through as you sit on foster mom's lap. I flashed forward to a year from now and saw what kind of books you and I would enjoy together.

Now that both the care and birthday packages have been wrapped and shipped off to you, I hope and pray that as you receive and play with what we sent, that we become more alive and real to you. That you feel our love radiating from the care packages. That somehow you can feel that you are being missed so much halfway around the world. That, my dearest Emerson, is our wish for you on your 11 month birthday.

We love you.

It's the little things...

...that can make your day.

Here's my little thing:

To anyone else, it's just a ziploc bag, so what, right? Well, for us it feels like we hit the jackpot because these are the EXPANDABLE BOTTOM ziploc bags... meaning we can send even that much more in our care packages to Emerson! WOOT WOOT!!

These were quite hard to find, by the way. I searched high and low for months at every local Target, grocery store, CVS, etc.. I finally found them online at Costco. Of course, now I have about a hundred of them, but it's all good. I'm just so happy to have found them! :)

Korean Hanbok

"Hanbok" refers to a traditional Korean dress. I've been doing quite a bit of online research on hanboks for a card I'm making to send to baby Emerson. This is what a traditional hanbok looks like:



Pretty, right?

Here's a picture of a child's hanbok:



Can we say CUTE?!

But then I came across a website called Wedding Inspirasi that had pictures of modern hanboks that simply took my breath away.

I love the look and feel of these photos as much as the updated hanboks. I kept going back to the site to look at the pictures over and over again. I was thinking of getting Emerson a hanbok soon after she comes home. And now that I've seen these pictures, I'm thinking mommy might have to get one as well! :)

Care Package #2

Emerson, look what's on its way to Korea for you!

I was reminded yet again of how small a gallon size ziploc is when trying to send a care package. I must have either forgot or just really impressed myself with my squeezing abilities last time, because I bought way too much stuff to send this time around.

This care package is special because a representative from our agency is going to Korea and will be hand-delivering it to Emerson and foster mom. The best part is that she is going to take pictures and even a VIDEO of them! I can't wait!!!!!!!!!

Here's what I was able to push and shove while gritting my teeth fit into the ziploc:

Cotton tees, beanie, toddler spoons, socks

More pictures of her waiting family

Shoes now that she's started walking!
So proud of my little baby!

So here's how disillusioned I was... The following is what I could NOT include in the package: a little blankie, lotion, a toy phone, a summer dress, and a pair of tights. I'm not Houdini after all. But luckily I get to send a birthday package soon so those will surely be in the next package. Yay!!